Finding a Montessori school

The word Montessori is not patented and any can use it to promote a school program; therefore the use of Montessori is no assurance of the quality of the program. When searching for a Montessori school to enroll your child it is important that you know what a Montessori school should look like and observe the children and staff working where you are considering applying.  

In a good Montessori program there will be:

·       Certified Montessori-trained adult (the teacher and preferably a Montessori trained administrator). The administrator/director traditionally is not giving lessons in class, however you ill know that they will be implementing the progress of each child through individual lessons and record keeping. Learn what you can about certifications of schools by your state and by the variety of Montessori organizations as the word “certified” is tricky.

·       Observe for a full range of proven Montessori materials in a clean, elegant, uncluttered environment.

·       Observe the children working. Happy, kind children, busy on self-chosen, and uninterrupted work.

Montessori schools are found in tiny church halls, large public school building, even homes.  The physical environment is secondary to the natural ability, and the training of the teachers.

There are many different kinds of Montessori teacher certification courses in the world today.  Some schools are certified by a particular organization and only have teachers with that certification. Some schools have been known to call themselves Montessori schools even though they have no certified teachers. Parents must look carefully into this question.

DO YOUR RESEARCH — EARLY: It is important for parents to learn all they can about Montessori so they can assess a school they may be interested in for their child. Many good Montessori schools have a long waiting list so do not put of this search till it is too late. Choose carefully; your child will be entering a second family.


Specific School Searches:

Although this are some pointers for finding a good Montessori school for your child, this is not a substitute for the research you can do in your own community. First you could check with the following resources. If this doesn't help you, learn all you can about what a Montessori class should be like, check in your local telephone book and phone the schools. Have their literature sent and make an a appointment for an observation of a class during a normal day with the children there. Do not select a school solely upon someone else's recommendation, but only after you visit. You may have to apply when your child is very young, as many good schools have waiting lists.

AMI (Association Montessori International): http://www.amiusa.org/index

AMS (American Montessori Society): http://www.amshq.org/School%20Resources/Find%20a%20School.aspx

NAMTA (North American Montessori Teachers Association ) School Directory list, with certification and class levels listed - USA and International. www.montessori-namta.org/NAMTA/NAMServs/dirgateway.html

PNMA (Pacific Northwest Montessori Association… for Washington state) http://pnma.org/

http://www.montessori.edu/refs.html

How Children Learn

If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.

If children live with security,
they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship,
they learn to find love in the world.

IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN

If I had my child to raise all over again,
Id' finger-paint more and point the finger less.

I'd do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch,
and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd teach less about the love or power,
and more about the power of love.

The Toddler's Creed

• If its on, I must turn it off.
• If its off, I must turn it on.
• If it is folded, I must unfold it.
• If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
• If it is a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
• If it is high, it must be reached.
• If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
• If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
• If it has leaves, they must be picked.
• If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
• If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
• If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
• If it is closed, it must be opened.
• If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
• If it has drawers, they  must be rifled.
• If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
• If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
• If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
• If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
• if it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest, it must be pushed by me instead.
• If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
• If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
• If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
• If it is paper, it must be torn.
• If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
• If the volume is low, it must go high.
• If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
• If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
• If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
• If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
• If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
• If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
• If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
• If it is not food, it must be tasted.
• If it is food, it must not be tasted.
• If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
• If it is a carseat, it must be protested with an arched back.
• If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.
• I AM TODDLER!

Tips for Cleaning House with Young Children in Tow

I am a big believer in involving young children in household chores (that are suitable to their level of development) as I believe that these early experience can help to instill positive habits for healthy living for many years to come. And toddlers and preschoolers make fabulously willing cleaning helpers when you make the cleaning experience fun!
Here are four ways to make cleaning time fun…

1. Make it a game: Adding a playful element like seeing who can match the greatest number of sock pairs or having a race to see who finishes their respective packing away chore quickest, helps to make cleaning and packing away interesting and engaging for young children.
2. Give your child fun tools to use: We have a cabinet with long glass shelves which Immy loves to dust. She carefully removes all of the photos and other trinkets displayed and then comes her favourite part of the task – spraying water on the shelves with a small spray bottle! She then wipes the shelves clean with a cleaning cloth. The simple act of giving her a spray bottle of water makes the task great fun. I know other children who love the novelty of using the vacuum like a grown up, or sweeping the floor with a short handled broom.
3. Add music or singing to your cleaning tasks: Turn up the volume on some catchy music or sing a simple song like, “This is the way we mop the floor, mop the floor, mop the floor,” which can be adapted to almost any cleaning task.
4. Use a timer: Set an old fashioned kitchen timer for three minutes and set a simple cleaning challenge for your preschooler.

What sorts of tasks can young children do?
I think children from the age of two can be involved in any of the following tasks, with varying levels of assistance and supervision depending upon their age;

• Dusting
• Putting dirty laundry into a hamper
• Folding laundry: Folding small items like tea towels, matching socks or even finding separating all of their own underwear from a big pile helps to reduce the time you need to spend with the laundry.
• Putting away laundry: Make it easy for your child to put away their own clothes by making it clear which drawer is for which type of item of clothing and not having too many clothes in each drawer.
• Unpacking the dishwasher
• Tidying up toys: Separating toys into their own containers and labeling the containers can make packing away toys easier for young children.
• Sweeping up mess: Spending a little time teaching your child how to use a dustpan and brush now can save lots of time in the days to come.
• Cleaning up spills: Keep a basket or drawer in the kitchen (which is easy for your child to access independently) for cleaning cloths that can be used for wiping up drink spills. A small spray bottle of water kept nearby might be useful as well.
• Setting and clearing the table: At three years of age, Immy has been setting our table for some months now. And older toddlers and preschoolers can help to clear the table of dishes and condiments as well.
• Cleaning in the bathroom: Wiping down sinks and counters, scrubbing the ring around the bath and cleaning the shower screen are all tasks which young children can help with.

Some final advice for keeping your child engaged and involved in household cleaning tasks are;

• Be consistent about your expectation that they will help.
• Work alongside them. Children are more likely to be involved if you are too.
• Keep tasks as independent as possible for your child and resist the urge to do over what they have done (yes, you may have to let go of standards just a little!)
• Rotate chores to keep it interesting.

Article By: Christie Burnett

9 Mistakes Parents Make With Toddler

Got a toddler? Avoid these 9 parenting mistakes.
By David Freeman
Reviewed By Laura J. Martin, MD

Children don't come with owner's manuals. Alas. Toddlers -- full of energy and eager to test your limits as well as their legs ---can be particularly tricky to parent. Here are nine parenting mistakes every mom and dad of a toddler should avoid.

Mistake No. 1: Being Inconsistent
Toddlers do best when they know what to expect, whether it's what time they bathe or go to bed or what consequences they'll face for misbehaving. The more consistent and predictable things are, the more resilient and agreeable a toddler is likely to be.
Fix it: As much as you can, keep regular routines for your child. Consistency can be a challenge when parents (or other caregivers) don't see eye to eye.
Not sure how best to react if your child dumps food on the floor or ignores bedtime? Sit down with your partner ahead of time to decide on an appropriate response -- and stick with it.
"You don't want to send mixed messages," says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, the author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers and a pediatrician in private practice in Los Angeles. "You really want to be consistent."

Mistake No. 2: Focusing on Family Time
It's delightful to spend time with the whole family. But some parents go overboard on family time.
"Kids cherish time alone time with one parent," says Thomas Phelan, PhD, a clinical psychologist in suburban Chicago and the author of several parenting books, including 1-2-3 Magic. "One-on-one time is fun for parents too, because there's no sibling rivalry to contend with."
Fix it: What's a good way to spend one-on-one time with a toddler? Phelan recommends simply getting down on the floor together and playing.

Mistake No. 3: Offering Too Much Help
Some parents jump in to help a toddler who is having trouble doing something. Before you do, consider the possibility that by helping your child complete a puzzle or put on a shirt, you may be sending the message that he/she can't do it alone -- in other words, that the child is incompetent.
"Parents who offer too much help may be sabotaging their young children's ability to become self-reliant," says Betsy Brown Braun, the Los-Angeles-based author of You're Not the Boss of Me.
Fix it: "We need to teach children to tolerate struggle," Braun says.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with offering praise and encouragement. "Be a cheerleader," Brown says. "Say, 'You can do this!'"

Mistake No. 4: Talking Too Much
Talking with toddlers is usually a terrific idea. But not when it's time to rein in errant behavior.
Imagine a mom has just said "no" to her 2-year-old's request for a cookie. The child fusses. Mom explains that it's suppertime. The child grabs a cookie anyway. Mom takes it away, and tries again to explain herself to her now tearful child. Back and forth it goes, with mounting frustration on both sides.
"Talking can lead to what I call the talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit pattern," Phelan says. "Toddlers are not adults in a little body. They're not logical, and they just can't assimilate what you are saying to them."
Fix it: What's the smart way to lay down the law? Once you tell your toddler to do something, Phelan says, don't talk about it or make eye contact. If the child disobeys, give a brief verbal warning or count to three. If the child refuses to toe the line, give a time-out or another immediate consequence. No explaining!

Mistake No. 5: Serving Only Kiddie Food
Does your toddler seem to eat nothing but chicken fingers and fries? Are goldfish crackers the only fish he or she eats? As some parents realize too late, toddlers fed a steady diet of nutritionally iffy kid's foods may resist eating anything else.
Fix it: Encourage your child to try "grown-up" fare. "A good percentage of kids are willing to try a new food if they see mommy and daddy enjoying it," Altmann says. "If they push back, keep putting it on their plate. Some kids need to try things a dozen or more times before they take to it."
But don't worry too much if your toddler is a picky eater. "Most toddlers are," Braun says.
"Children love the fight over food. If we make a fuss about it, it becomes a much bigger deal than it needs to be," Braun says. Her advice:  As long as there's something your child can eat on the plate, don't worry. Do not allow yourself to become your child's short-order cook.

Mistake No. 6: Getting Rid of the Crib
Cribs do more than keep little ones safe. They promote good sleep habits.
A toddler moved too soon into a "real" bed may have trouble staying in bed or falling asleep, and so may end up climbing into bed with mommy and daddy.
"Some moms wear themselves out because they have to lie down with their child every night," Altmann says. "They don't realize they're the ones who set the pattern."
Fix it: When is it time to get rid of the crib? When your child asks for a bed or starts climbing out of the crib. For most kids, that comes between the ages of 2 and 3.

Mistake No. 7: Starting Potty Training Too Soon
Some parents cajole their children into using the toilet when they think it's time -- and issue harsh reprimands when things go awry. That can lead to a power struggle.
Fix it: "Children learn to use the toilet when they're ready," Altmann says. "The process shouldn't be rushed."
But you can set the stage. Show your toddler the toilet. Explain its use. If you feel comfortable doing so, let your child watch you use the toilet -- and offer praise if he or she gives it a whirl.
What if your child is still in diapers at age 4? "Don't worry," Altmann says. "No child is ever going to go to college in diapers."

Mistake No. 8: Allowing Too Much Screen Time
Toddlers who watch lots of TV often have more trouble learning later on. And studies suggest that kids under the age of 2 can't really take in what's being displayed on TV and computer screens.
Fix it: Keep your toddler busy with reading and other, more creative pursuits. Have conversations-and encourage talking as well as listening. "The longer you can hold off exposing your child to TV, the better," Altmann says.

Mistake No. 9: Trying to Stop a Tantrum
Some parents worry that an out-of-control child makes them seem like ineffectual parents. But all toddlers have tantrums. When they do, it's pointless to try to talk them out of it -- even if the drama is unfolding in front of company or in a public place.
"When we are in public and dealing with a child, we feel judged," Braun says. "We feel like there is a neon sign over our heads saying we are incompetent parents."
Fix it: Braun says parents must remember that the child matters more than the opinions of other people -- especially strangers.
If people glare or offer unwanted advice, simply smile and say something like, "Gosh, do you remember what it was like?" Then scoop up the wailing child and find a place away from prying eyes for the tantrum to run its course. Once it does, offer the child a hug and go on with your day.

Few Steps to Potty Training

A Few Words to Start

• Everyone has their own recipe
• No right or wrong way
• Times have changed and so has potty training
• Be ready it is very messy!!! 

Getting Started: 16-18 months

The goal of this first step is to start to familiarize your child with toileting.
Buy a potty chair

• Feet need to be flat and supported to relax pelvic muscles

Use the Language

• Avoid using negative words
• Incorporate into diaper changes

Children learn by observation

More Focus: 24 months
The goal of this step is to work toileting into your daily routine

Start a daily routine

• Announce your plan (DON’T ASK!)
• Tell the child what you’re doing and why
• Place child on the potty chair at the same time each day
• Do not worry about or expect them to go in the potty
• Be consistent

Go For It! 30-36 months
What you need:

• Physical
• Intellectual
• Emotional/Psychological
• Social
• Desire and Ability

Readiness Signs

• Stays dry for 2 hour intervals
• Predictable, regular bowel movements
• Can sit still and focus for several minutes
• Understands simple instructions
• Announces when going or immediately after
• Shows an interest in others using toilet
• Shows interest and cooperates with sitting on potty chair

Clothing

• Consider cloth diapers (cant see it + cant feel it =  doesn't exist) The following lick will show you what a cloth underwear looks like so that your child can feel like a "big kid" by wearing underwear vs. the cloth diapers. I am not promoting the brand. I picked the following link because they had a good selection of different underwear/diapers. http://nickisdiapers.com/catalog.php?category=16
• Big kid underwear
• Elastic waistbands
• Consider leaving naked

Timeline

• Underwear for 2 hours per day
• Same time each day
  • 2 hours per day at the same time each day
    • Potty
    • Underwear for 1 hour
    • Potty
    • Underwear for 1 hour
    • Potty
    • Diaper

• Tell your child what you expect
• Increase by 1 hour each week
• At 4 weeks or 4 hours children can go entire day (except naps and nighttime)
• Remind them to use the potty
• Be Consistent!

Resistance

• Tell your child what you are doing
• Keep diaper changes matter of fact
• Use cloth diapers for increased awareness
• Consider doing diaper changes in bathroom
• Have your child involved
• Hold off on potty training during times of stress in your child’s life
  • New baby/sibling
  • High chairs
  • Birthdays
  • Going from crib to bed
  • Moving to a new house 
  • For resistance to bowel movements only in toilet
    • Gradual transition
    • Positive permission

Other Tips

• RELAX … it will (eventually) happen!
• Accidents will happen too
  • Best response is:
    • Matter of fact
    • Fix it
    • State expectations
    • Make it fun
      • Read a book, sing songs, puppets
      • Blow bubbles
      • Cheerio targets
      • Food Color
      • Bubble bath
      • Toilet training is a natural part of a child development. Simple positive praise is best as a reward.

Thumb sucking: Helping your child break the habit

Written by Jen Betterley

You adored watching your baby fall asleep each night — those sweet, sleepy sighs, her thumb tucked gently into the comforting nook of her mouth.
But now that she’s walking, talking and growing into a preschooler, the thumb sucking has passed “cute” and headed straight toward “worrisome.” You’re picturing a future full of dental problems, teasing and endless efforts by you and others to get your child to break this self-soothing habit.

Pediatric dentist Purva Merchant sees young thumb-sucking patients and worried parents on a regular basis at her practice, Seattle Kids Dentistry. “Ninety percent of children will have some kind of non-nutritive sucking habit at one time in their life or another,” she says. “It’s normal.”

It’s easy to understand why this habit is hard to break; it’s the same sucking action that an infant uses for bottle feeding or breastfeeding. Merchant says about two-thirds of these habits will end by the age of 5, as the child begins to rely on other forms of comfort and security.

The American Academy of Pediatric Dentists reports that most children will outgrow thumb sucking on their own between the ages of 2 and 4. Merchant echoes this notion, but also suggests that parents consider three key factors when determining if their child’s thumb-sucking habit is becoming excessive:

1. Intensity: How hard is your child sucking his thumb?
2. Frequency: How often does the sucking occur during the day and evening?
3. Duration: How long is your child sucking his thumb?

Though each child’s habit should be handled uniquely for that particular child, Merchant says that parents generally shouldn’t worry until their child is preschool age. “With toddlers, parents can passively intervene by using positive reinforcement, praise and trying to divert the habit by keeping their child’s hands busy,” she says. “After the age of 3, you’ll want to begin using a reminder system, rewards and potentially, counseling.”

Thumb-sucking home remedies

Margaret Schultz’s 4-year-old daughter has been a thumb-sucker since birth. Concerned about the dental and social issues their daughter might one day face, the Schultzs have tried several home remedies, hoping one of them will help her lose the thumb habit. They’ve let her suck on their fingers as she falls asleep, tried relaxing deep-breathing exercises at bedtime, sung lullabies and most recently, covered their daughter’s thumbs with Band-Aids each night.

“We were starting to run out of Band-Aids and felt like maybe there was another way that wouldn’t require going through all our first-aid supplies,” says Schultz, a Mountlake Terrace resident. “We tried a sock, but she just took it off.”

The Schultzs are giving it one more shot with a reward system. So far, small daily prizes — screen time, promise of a bicycle — seem to be working.

Some kids are so ready to give up the thumb that a home remedy does just the trick. That’s what happened with Shoreline parent Chuck Gamble’s daughter. “The thumb went right in once she had fallen asleep,” says Gamble. “My solution was to take a winter glove and cut off all the fingers except the thumb. She wore this to bed every night and after a couple weeks, she had broken the habit.”

When home remedies aren’t enough

Some children require professional intervention to help them stop sucking their thumbs, particularly if their oral health seems threatened. Dentists can evaluate risk factors and recommend specialists if needed.

One of these specialists, Nancy Magar (she’s an orofacial myologist), uses positive behavior modification with her young patients, including a rewards chart to track progress. She shows her patients photos of the effects of thumb sucking and calls them daily to offer encouragement. “The child has to have the desire to stop,” says Magar, whose practice is based in Bellevue. “It’s a behavioral problem . . . but if the child can quit for the first week, it’s usually smooth sailing from there.”

Not long ago, Marie Walter’s 5-year-old daughter, Genieva, began Magar’s treatment. Within weeks, Genieva had kicked the habit she’d had since infancy. “She has completely transformed, from sucking her thumb every moment to not sucking it at all,” says Walter, a Redmond resident. “She is showing more confidence and smiling more, and her teacher can’t stop gushing about the positive changes she sees in Genieva at school. She’s doing superwell!”


6 tips for helping your child quit thumb sucking
1. Observe when, where and why your child sucks his or her thumb.
2. Identify what triggers the thumb-sucking behavior (e.g., she is tired, has a blanket, is afraid, is hungry).
3. Determine what you can do to eliminate the triggers that result in thumb sucking (hide the blanket, keep snacks on hand).
4. When you observe thumb sucking, give your child something else to do with her hands (a toy, book, snack or a drink).
5. At night or naptime, go into your child’s room and gently remove her thumb from her mouth.
6. Bring to your child’s attention how pleased you are when she is not sucking her thumb.
Source: Nancy Magar

Montessori vs. Traditional

Montessori Method: 1. Emphasis is on cognitive and social development 2. Teacher has unobtrusive role in classroom 3. Environment and method encourage self-discipline 4. Mainly individual instruction 5. Mixed age grouping 6. Grouping encourages children to teach and help each other 7. Child chooses own work 8. Child discovers own concepts from self-teaching materials 9. Child works as long as he wishes on chosen project 10. Child sets own learning pace 11. Child spots own errors from feedback of material 12. Child reinforces own learning by repetition of work and internal feelings of success 13. Multi-sensory materials for physical exploration 14. Organized program for learning care of self and environment 15. Child can work where he chooses, move around and talk at will (yet not disturb the work of others); group work is voluntary 16. Organized program for parents to understand the Montessori philosophy and participate in the learning process

Traditional Method: 1. Emphasis is on social development 2. Teacher is center of classroom as "controller" 3. Teacher is primary enforcer of discipline 4. Group and individual instruction 5. Same age grouping 6. Most teaching is done by the teacher 7. Curriculum is structured for the child 8. Child is guided to concepts by the teacher 9. Child is generally allotted specific time for work 10. Instruction pace is usually set by group norm 11. If work is corrected, errors usually are pointed out by the teacher 12. Learning is reinforced externally by repetition and rewards 13. Fewer materials for sensory development 14. Less emphasis of self-care instruction 15. Child usually assigned own chair; encouraged to participate, sit still and listen during group sessions 16. Voluntary parent involvement

 

Bringing Montessori Discipline into the Home

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how to have a “Montessori home”. If you have your kids in a Montessori school, most likely the school director and teachers have encouraged you to bring Montessori principles into your home to provide your child with consistency and stability. And if you’re homeschooling using Montessori, it’s only natural that you want your home to be Montessori through and through.

Implementing that can be difficult, though. A school has built-in controls: positive peer pressure and the example of older kids; a full complement of Montessori materials; and most of all, at school it’s all-Montessori-all-the-time, whereas home has to be a flexible place where dozens of real life activities happen. Kids are usually more comfortable and relaxed in their own homes with their families, which is great, but it also means they’re more comfortable trying out negative behaviors at home – behaviors that they might keep under wraps when they’re at school.

In my Montessori training, I learned about the ideas of the American psychologist Rudolph Dreikurs. He believed that children’s behavior was best corrected by realistic consequences, rather than unrelated rewards or punishments. For example, a child who habitually was late getting ready for school should be allowed to be late enough to miss their ride/bus, rather than be punished by grounding, etc. In this way they experience the natural consequences of their behavior, which leads them to make the decision to get up on time. While I’m sure that Dreikurs and Montessori wouldn’t agree on everything, he has some really good ideas that can be expanded to fit a wide variety of discipline situations.

When using the “consequences” system of discipline, it can help greatly to involve the child. For instance, there may be certain behaviors without obvious, immediate, negative consequences (like teasing a sibling). In this case, it helps to sit down with the child when the negative behavior isn’t happening and have them come up with a consequence that they will face when they misbehave. That way, they are taking responsibility for their own behavior. It also gives them a feeling of control over the situation, which can alleviate some of the insecurities that drive the negative behavior in the first place.

It is incredibly important for parents to be consistent: consistent from day to day, and consistent from parent to parent. Many times my husband and I have supported each other’s decisions in front of our kids even if one of us was thinking that we didn’t necessarily agree with the other one. We’ve never been divided in front of the kids on discipline issues (but we’ve had many intense behind-the-scenes discussions!).

Just as important is consistency with the way the child is treated at school. Having a completely different set of expectations at home is confusing for the child and makes things difficult in both environments. At one school where I worked, we had a little boy in our class who had much difficulty listening to directions and obeying. I’ll never forget one Monday morning: the classroom door opened and there stood the mom, holding the little boy in her arms. He was squirming and fussing, and she said, “We spoiled him all weekend. Now he’s yours” and thrust him into my arms. Immediately I understood why he was so unsettled all the time.

In this situation, there was no way that we, as teachers, could correct for the attitude of the parents. The child was receiving conflicting messages, and confusion was the only result. This makes it harder for the parents and the teachers; normalizing the child’s behavior is the result of constructive discipline at school and at home. The school cannot bear the entire responsibility of teaching healthy behaviors.

Something else to be mindful of is that you can change a child’s outward behavior (forcing them to do something) without changing their minds. This is most common when the method of control includes yelling, shaming, and threats. Sure, they’ll obey, but they won’t internalize the correct behavior for themselves. Instead, child need to experience the consequences of their behavior, with support and encouragement from their parents.

Last, it’s a common saying that we should “catch a child doing something right”. I’m not in favor of constantly lavishing them with praise, but most definitely they need to hear positive feedback when they do make correct choices. It can be as simple as, “I noticed that you let your brother choose a cookie first. That was very mature of you” – said quietly and privately. Kids need that, not only to build self-esteem but also as a way to know when they have made the right choice. After awhile they are able to recognize good decisions for themselves.

It may be a bit cliche, but there are times when I’m frustrated with my kids and think, “What would Maria Montessori do?”. Perhaps she would take a deep breath, step back, and try to figure out what the child’s behavior was the result of. Maybe she would offer a new work or activity, knowing that a child is soothed by the routine of completing the work cycle. And sometimes, she might suggest that they just need to get outside and run.

Whatever the case, she knew that the child’s most important teachers are the parents or parental figures; they lay the foundation that others build upon. Through loving consistency and natural consequences, this foundation can be a strong one that results in a normalized, healthy child who considers the needs of others before his own.

Recommended Resources:

Logical Consequences: The New Approach to Discipline by Rudolph Dreikurs
Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful by Donna Bryant Goertz

by Lori Bourne